I achieved a milestone this week: I finished listening to “The Entire History of Punk”.
This was a 20-volume CD box set that I bought at House of Guitars several years ago, for about $60 if I remember right. When it comes to punk, I’m a “fan” only in the older sense of generally liking it (rather than the modern sense of needing to have an encyclopedic knowledge, and to wield that knowledge over the unworthy). But when I saw this CD set, I did the mental math and realized that I would be getting a lot of entertainment for my money, so I bought it and listened to some of it. Only in the past few weeks, however, did I finally make the effort to listen to the whole damn thing from start to finish.
“The Entire History of Punk” is neither entire (there’s a huge UK bias in the choice of songs – the Dead Kennedys are about the only Yanks on here, though oddly there are two cover versions of The Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop”) nor a history (there’s no attempt to establish a timeline of the genre, or even provide dates for each song in the booklet). Perhaps it should have been called “As Much of the History of Punk As We Could Afford the Rights To”.
Some of the bands on here I’ve heard of. Many more I haven’t. Some of the songs on here I know are considered classics. A lot of the others are, I’m sure, much lower on the food chain, and were included because they were cheap and/or to fill out the collection. In fact, I definitely get the sense that the compilers were struggling a bit to fill 20 CDs, since they’ve included punk cover versions of non-punk songs like “Help”, the “Monkees” theme, “Be My Baby”, “I Fought The Law” and even “C– On Feel the Noize”, and the 20th disc sounds to my ears like a lot of oddball rockabilly, rather than punk per se.
Still, there are about 300 songs here. That’s a hell of a lot of atonal screaming and guitar-strangling, and there are only so many ways to express Brit-punk’s three basic messages:
2) “England’s police and armed forces are not to be admired. Their actions – perhaps even their core values – are deeply suspect.”
3) “I am (or the subject of my song is) a willful but economically and educationally disadvantaged young person, with minimal interest in personal hygiene or other forms of self-betterment. Owing partly to these factors, I/he/she have some emotional issues, and am/is willing – nay, eager – to externalize these issues in such a manner as to create a public disturbance.”
But there are some gems buried in this collection, so if you ever want to get in touch with the angry, spotty, pasty-white, Thatcher-baiting working-class yobbo inside us all – or if you just haven’t had enough caffeine – you could do worse than to seek out these songs:
“I Hate People” (Anti Nowhere League) – disc 1, track 3
If you liked “I Hate You”, the song being played on the punk’s boom box in “Star Trek IV”, then you’ll love “I Hate People”, since in many respects it’s the same damn song.
Punk message: 3
“Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck the Lot of You” (Chaotic Discord) – disc 4, track 13
The title is also its principal lyric, repeatedly shouted in a slurred, garbled manner. Not the kind of song you can dance to, but its message is timeless.
Punk message: 3
“Soldier Soldier” (Spizz) – disc 5, track 2
Sometimes it’s hard to be sure whether a song is catchy despite, or because of, its annoyingness.
Punk message: 2
“(I’m In Love With) Margaret Thatcher” (Notsensibles) – disc 5, track 3
Mags, I don’t think these lads are being entirely sincere. They’re just toying with you so they can break your heart.
Punk message: 1
“If The Kids Are United” (Sham 69) – disc 5, track 5
A “Tubthumping”-like song about the power of positive thinking and mutual understanding. What the hell is it doing in this collection?
Punk message: None of the above
“Rowche Rumble” (The Fall) – disc 6, track 6
Punk rock meets video-game music, and gets bizzay. I wonder if a “Rowche Rumble” is anything like a “Borstal Breakout”, since there are two versions of that song in this collection as well.
Punk message: 3
“Dick Barton” (Frankie & The Flames) – disc 9, track 24
“If a WWII-era British pulp hero was reinvented as a 1970s TV action hero, this would be his theme song.” That was the jokey blurb I was going to write for this one, but then I looked up “Dick Barton” on Wikipedia and discovered that this is, in fact, just about accurate. Another fun song that seems wildly out of place here.
Punk message: None of the above
“Anarchy In The UK” (The Sex Pistols) – disc 13, track 1
This is it. The masterpiece. The “Citizen Kane”, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Best of Both Worlds, Parts 1 and 2″ of punk rock.
Punk message: 1, 2, 3
“I Believe In Anarchy” – (The Exploited) – disc 13, track 5
The trick to editing any kind of anthology is to avoid putting similar items too close to each other, so it’s odd that they put this song on the same disc as “Anarchy In The UK”, but it holds its own.
Punk message: 3
“Who Killed ET? (I Killed The Fucker)” (Chaotic Discord) – disc 15, track 10
Thatcher? The Queen? Paper tigers. Fight the real enemy!
Punk message: 3
But they save the best for nearly last …
“My Way” (Sid Vicious) – disc 19, track 2
Best song ever. Before I heard this notorious cover version of the Sinatra classic, I assumed it was a Shatneresque musical butchery. I was wrong. Sid’s “My Way” is to Sinatra’s version as Daniel Craig is to Pierce Brosnan. If you’ve never heard it, imagine a drunk person violently puking during the end credits of early-80s Doctor Who … but even better.
Punk message: 3
